


Ghost of You - Sirius Black

by Swiggotyy_Swootyy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Marauders - Fandom, sirius black - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Based on a 5 Seconds of Summer Song, Canonical Character Death, Death, F/M, Female Marauders (Harry Potter), Flashbacks, Ghost of You by 5 Seconds of Summer, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Letters, Love Letters, Love Story, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Marriage, Memories, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Original Female Characters - Freeform, Post-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Pre-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Remus best friend, Repressed Memories, Sad, Sad Ending, Ship, Sirius Black as Padfoot, Sneak peak into a fanfic im planning to write, Widowed, ghost of you, sirius black - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:22:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swiggotyy_Swootyy/pseuds/Swiggotyy_Swootyy
Summary: After Sirius' death, his wife, Emma, deals with her grief by writing her late husband a letter.~*~*~*~Based on the song "Ghost of You" by 5 Seconds of Summer.The lyrics are italicized in the story. I do not own the song. All rights go to 5 Seconds of Summer.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Original Character(s), Remus Lupin & Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin & Other(s), Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Original Character(s), Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Other(s)
Kudos: 4
Collections: Starring Sirius Black





	Ghost of You - Sirius Black

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THE NOTE AT THE END!!!!

_Here I am waking up  
Still can't sleep on your side _

Hi, Padfoot.  
I woke up, again. The same aching feeling filling my entire being. My eyes were swollen from crying and my head pounded as an aftereffect of the bottle firewhiskey I drank last night.  
I reached for you, hoping it was just a bad dream, a horrible hallucination, a nightmare, but all that was left was a cold, empty bed.  
The aching in my chest increased and tears blurred my vision. I closed my eyes, trying to force the pain down, but I was only met with flashes of your grin. I remembered vividly how you would look when I would wake up next to you, your expression peaceful, yet daring. You would wake up slowly, feeling me staring at you, and smile, grabbing me and pulling me to you as you kissed my forehead and told me good morning, your voice raspy due to it not being used while you were asleep.  
I opened my eyes again, the memories of you too much for me to continue revisiting.  
I forced myself out of bed and made my way down to the kitchen.

 _There's your coffee cup  
The lipstick stain fades with time _

I got down to the kitchen, head still throbbing mercilessly. I decided to make myself a cup of coffee to fight the exhaustion filling my body and to bring aid to the hangover.  
I reached for my coffee cup, not fully awake yet, and accidentally grabbed both of ours like I used to.  
I stared at your cup, agonizing pain filling my chest. I fell to my knees, hugging your cup to my chest.  
Tears freely fell down my face as I was assaulted with more memories of you.  
I’d be making coffee and you’d come down and hug me from behind, barely awake. You’d kiss my shoulder and my neck and then you’d spin me around and kiss me. We’d then take our coffee and sit at the table and talk. Just talk. It was never boring or forced with you. Life and love came easily with you.  
Remus found me on the floor, hugging your coffee mug, and sobbing. He helped me up and hugged me.  
He’s been staying here ever since last week.  
Since you… Since you died.  
Sirius, I miss you.  
I miss you. 

_If I can dream long enough  
You'd tell me I'd be just fine  
I'll be just fine _

I can practically hear your voice telling me not to miss you. I hear you saying that I’ll be okay. I hear you saying that this pain will pass.  
Of one thing I am certain, my darling is that the pain of living a life without you will never pass.  
Never. 

_So I drown it out like I always do  
Dancing through our house  
With the ghost of you  
And I chase it down  
With a shot of truth  
Dancing through our house  
With the ghost of you _

After composing myself and convincing Remus I was okay (as well as apologizing for ruining his jumper) I attempted to carry on with the rest of my day.  
I was walking through the halls today, beginning to do some much-needed laundry and was confronted with further memories.  
I had thought I was by myself. I had thought I was alone as I sang to myself and danced around, pretending I was dancing at an elaborate ball while I dusted the portraits. Little did I know you were watching. I noticed you when you came up, tapping my shoulder and asking for a dance.  
We had danced together around the halls to no music, spinning, laughing, and holding each other close.  
As the memory ended, I found myself leaning on the wall for support, the pain of missing you becoming momentarily overwhelming.  
I grunted, pushing myself off the wall and forcing myself forward. 

_Cleaning up today  
Found that old Zepplin shirt  
You wore when you ran away  
And no one could feel your hurt  
We're too young, too dumb  
To know things like love  
But I know better now  
Better now _

I walked into the laundry room and began sorting. As I neared the bottom, I was stopped once more, continuously violated by your memories.  
I lifted your Led Zepplin shirt out of the hamper and that unavoidable, horrible ache filled every inch of me.  
The memory of you showing up at my doorstep, donning this silly muggle shirt and holding your suitcase after you had just been kicked out of this very house, came to the forefront. I had instantly brought you into my house. I had hugged you as I watched you cry for the first time.  
I buried my face in the shirt, crying again.  
It still smelled like you; pine trees and shampoo. 

_So I drown it out like I always do  
Dancing through our house  
With the ghost of you  
And I chase it down  
With a shot of truth _

The pain and memories, eventually, became unbearable. I went around to doing the thing I’ve been doing almost every night since your death; I grabbed a bottle of firewhiskey and got blackout drunk.  
The memories of you remained with me while I was drunk, however, it enabled me to have a large gap in my memory, a gap where I don’t remember you or suffering.  
Glass after glass, shot after shot, gulp after gulp.  
I could never escape you.  
Not fully.  
You were there.  
You always will be there. 

__Dancing through our house  
With the ghost of you  
Too young, too dumb  
To know things like love  
Too young, too dumb _ _

__As I lost control of myself, I permitted myself to scream, cry, and throw things.  
I remember how we had gotten in a fight one time and we wound up throwing things. I couldn’t recall what it was over, and for that I was glad.  
I remembered how angry I was as I threw a shoe at you. I remembered how in the end I had broken down into tears. I remembered how you instantly came over and hugged me, apologizing over and over, telling me not to cry. I remembered how we could never stay mad at each other indefinitely. I recalled how, at that moment, I realized how much I truly did love you. I recalled how afraid I had been of losing you. I recalled how I imagined the pain of losing you to be.  
I now see that grossly underexaggerated that pain.  
People called us stupid for getting married the summer after our seventh year. I remember the rumors people spread about us; ranging from me being pregnant to you wanting to sacrifice me to you-know-who. But I didn’t care. I loved you and I knew that you were all I wanted in life. You were my happiness. You were everything I needed in life and more.  
Without you, I have nothing.  
I’m worth nothing.  
I am nothing. _ _

___So I drown it out like I always do  
Dancing through our house  
With the ghost of you  
And I chase it down  
With a shot of truth  
That my feet don't dance  
Like they did with you _ _ _

__

__Eventually, the night went on, and I found myself back in the hallway where we had danced before.  
In my drunken state, I relieved the memory for the second time today, this time, instead of leaning against the wall, hopelessly, I closed my eyes and danced.  
I stepped and waltzed around, blindly letting the memory of you guide me. I saw your grin and the love in your eyes.  
I focused so hard on it and was so desperate that I practically could feel your arms around me. I could feel your forehead against mine. I felt your soft, gentle lips against mine.  
Being inebriated, I misjudged how I was stepping and, having my eyes closed, I was further unable to catch myself before I fell down the stairs.  
I rolled, painfully, head over heels, down the first flight of stairs.  
As I laid on the landing, unmoving, I opened my eyes again. Instead of being greeted with your laugh or your concerned expression, I was met with the ceiling.  
I felt pain in my leg and saw that it was bleeding during my fall, but I laid my head back down and let myself bleed. The pain in my leg was nothing compared to the other pain that was swallowing me entirely, consuming my being.  
Despite being hammered, I came to the logical and honest realization that you were gone.  
Permanently.  
It dawned on me that I would never see you again.  
Ever.  
I would never again wake up to you.  
I would never again hear your morning voice.  
I would never again feel you pull me closer.  
I would never again pour you coffee.  
I would never again feel your kiss.  
I would never again be enveloped in a comforting hug filled with the scent of pine trees and shampoo.  
I would never again dance with you.  
I would never again throw things.  
I would never again get angry at you.  
I would never again realize how in love with you I am.  
I would never again hear your jokes.  
I would never again open the door to see you.  
I would never again discuss the Order with you.  
This wasn’t like when you were in Azkaban.  
You’re gone.  
Forever.  
I curled myself into a ball and wept. I wept long and hard.  
But, coming to this horrible realization wasn’t the reason that I cried.  
My intoxicated thoughts discovered another reason to cry.  
I cried because I realized that my feet don’t dance like they did with you. _ _

__Longingly and lovingly yours forever,  
Emmadin Vega Millicent Antares Black._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Thank you for reading! Please leave kudos and comment!  
> This one-shot is just a thought to add to my Sirius Black fanfics. 
> 
> It's NOT cannon to the series I'm going to write, so don't worry about that. 
> 
> However, if you guys really enjoy this, then I'll try my best to prioritize it!  
> I hope you all have a wonderful day!


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